The Real Reason I Finally Stopped Drinking
alcohol addiction is a serious problem! Please seek help from a medical professional if you are wanting to get sober or struggling to get sober.
If you haven’t already, check out my prior post on alcohol addiction: Click here to read
I finally stopped drinking on September 13, 2023.
If you are someone who is struggling with alcohol addiction, please do not wait to get help!
There is hope on the other side of addiction and you are worthy of living a clean, sober, happy life!
The weeks leading up to the last time i drank
From April through September 2021, I drank the most I ever have. It became an everyday activity without any real reason behind it.
Happy? Drink.
Sad? Drink.
Tuesday? Drink.
I just couldn’t stop!
It honestly wasn’t even fun anymore. It was however, becoming a personal competition to see how much more drunk I could get the next time I drank.
I was downing an entire 1.5 liter bottle of wine every night, I don’t even drink that much water during the day!
It Was Downhill From Here
I was drinking pretty much every day but I only remember certain days in that 2 week span before I stopped drinking.
September 3rd, was what you could consider a great night of drinking. I went out, I had a blast with the people I was with, and then went home.
September 7th, I drank and can honestly tell you, I do not remember a thing from that night. Only the terrible hangover.
The following day was my daughter’s Pre-K orientation and I was absurdly hungover.
I woke up instantly regretting having drank the night before and hated myself for being such a terrible mother.
I took a shower, washed my hair, and DROWNED myself in body spray and hair products to mask the smell of alcohol.
During this time, masks were still required, even outdoors, so I was thankful that nobody could get close enough to smell the lingering alcohol on my breath.
Because let’s be real, no matter how much you brush your teeth and wash your body, you can still smell the alcohol on someone, even the next day.
Pre-K orientation lasted about 2 hours and then we were free to go home.
I. WAS. DISGUSTED. WITH. MYSELF.
How dare I be such a piece of shit mother who drank the night before her child’s orientation for school?!
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was enough to make me stop drinking.
It was a full blown addiction at this point.
The Night before i stopped drinking
September 11, 2021.
It was Sofia’s typical Saturday.
I put my daughter to bed, and proceeded to open a bottle of wine.
I was listening to music, having a great night by myself. FaceTimed my cousin and then my sister.
I continued drinking well after midnight. After I got bored being up so late, I finally went to bed at around 3am.
When I woke up the next day…
I COULD NOT FEEL THE ENTIRE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY!
This had happened on one other occasion and I had brushed it off to just feeling like shit.
But this time it felt different.
I remember going to pick up my sister and feeling like a complete zombie.
Hangxiety, Misery, and a Mini Stroke?
At this point, hangxiety kicked in full throttle.
For those that aren’t familiar with the term, it’s a hangover and anxiety happening simultaneously.
It is the worst feeling in the world.
Once I made it back home, I quickly went and laid in bed and there I stayed all day.
I started to panic, I really couldn’t feel half of my body. The left side of my face was completely numb.
Tremors made an appearance too, where your body shakes uncontrollably. Those were the absolute worst.
I sat there cursing at myself thinking “way to go you dumb bitch, now look at you, hungover and can’t function.”
I immediately started to google if you could have a stroke from drinking too much alcohol.
The internet confirmed… Yes, yes you could.
I thought to myself how could that be possible if I was still functional?
I could get up and walk to the bathroom if I needed to, I could go into the kitchen to get something to eat or drink if I needed to.
Based on the symptoms, I was most likely suffering from a mini stroke.
At that moment I should have went to the ER. I just couldn’t bring myself to get up and go.
In that moment, I would have rather died than get help, that’s how embarrassed and ashamed I was.
I laid in bed all day just staring at the ceiling. Hoping and praying that this hangover would go away.
It was at that moment I knew I something had to change or else I really could die from this addiction.
The Day I Finally decided to Stop Drinking
September 13, 2021.
By the grace of God, He woke me up the next day.
I was still hungover, although not as bad as the day before.
I could feel my face again! But I still had some mild tremors and anxiety.
Nothing scared me more than realizing I had just had what seemed to be a mini stroke because of how much I had been drinking over the last 4 years.
I had a dentist appointment that morning and I was in sheer panic wondering how I was going to make it through this appointment.
Now, I am not a person who fears the dentist, I LOVE going to the dentist.
But because I was still suffering from “hangxiety” I couldn’t function properly.
The rest of the day, I sat and reflected on literally my entire life.
I knew I couldn’t keep living my life this way. Something had to give.
Up until that point nothing could get me to stop drinking, until that day that I could have died.
THAT was enough to scare me to stop.
I decided that it was time to FINALLY stop drinking.
I didn’t know how, but I knew I needed to stop and for a LONG time.
Quitting Alcohol Cold Turkey
It was social media official. I was going to stop drinking.
Just an FYI, PLEASE seek medical help if you wish to detox from ANY substance. Detoxing from alcohol can be extremely dangerous if not done correctly!
Given how much I was drinking the 4 years prior, I really should have went to a professional detox center. But instead I stopped drinking cold turkey.
I truly didn’t know any better at the time, and looking back I really am so disappointed in myself for not getting help.
Yet, I am so grateful that I didn’t suffer any life threatening issues when I stopped.
But again, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET HELP FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!
Especially if you have been drinking heavily for some time.
I didn’t have any withdrawals those first 2 weeks after I stopped drinking. I didn’t crave alcohol like I normally would after a day or 2.
The feeling of shame and disgust that I had for myself overpowered any other emotion I could have possibly felt.
I knew that if I could make it one day without drinking, I would be fine.
After a month, I knew I was capable of never drinking again.
