How Drinking As A New Mom Made My Postpartum Depression Worse

The way I was drinking as a new mom was terrifying.

I remember joking about how I couldn’t wait to have a glass of wine after giving birth.

It’s impossible to know just how much alcohol will affect you until one drink turns into half the bottle.

Postpartum is such a vulnerable time as a mother.

You’re FLOODED with so many emotions all while trying to keep a tiny little human alive.

One thing that’s not talked about enough is the impact of alcohol on postpartum depression or PPD.

Alcohol consumption is linked to an increased risk of postpartum depression and can make your PPD symptoms worse.

Postpartum is a time when you need to process your emotions with a clear head and not under the influence.

Especially if you are suffering from postpartum depression.

I truly think drinking as a new mom not only made my postpartum depression worse, it made it last longer than it was supposed to.

Keep reading for How drinking as a new mom can make your postpartum depression worse.

*DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor. I’m just a mother who had a terrible experience with alcohol during my postpartum depression. I want to share my experience with others so you know what to look for should you or someone you know struggle with postpartum depression and/or alcohol addiction. ♥️

Postpartum depression

Postpartum depression, or PPD, is a form of clinical depression that affects women after childbirth.

It goes way beyond the typical baby blues experienced by many new moms.

I had heard of baby blues while I was pregnant, but it’s one of those things that you truly don’t know until you experience it.

Symptoms of PPD include persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, fatigue, changes in appetite, and a loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable.

Postpartum depression hit me like a truck and I experienced all of those symptoms.

I felt such a deep sadness that I couldn’t explain, I was anxious and depressed at the same time.

It was mentally and physically exhausting on top of the already existing exhaustion from having a baby.

A part of me feels like postpartum depression took away that happiness that I so desperately wanted to experience as a new mom.

I LOVED my new baby, I truly did, but I couldn’t seem to understand why I was so sad all the time.

PPD is most certainly a different kind of beast, and it will destroy you if you are not careful.

Not all moms experience it though.

But for those that do, it can feel like such a dark time, and I know it did for me.

I wish I had known about how drinking would affect PPD.

I honestly think it would have prevented me from picking up a drink in the first place!

Emotional affects from drinking as a new mom

After having a baby, your body experiences significant hormonal changes.

It takes some time for your body to balance itself out again and return to a “normal” state.

Not just physically but mentally as well.

I really had no intention of drinking at all, despite me joking about having wine after giving birth.

But life sometimes comes at you when you least expect it and well, shit happens.

I was heartbroken when I couldn’t breastfeed my newborn baby because I wasn’t producing enough milk.

That alone made my already existing depression worse.

It’s what triggered me to start drinking in the first place, and then it was just downhill from there.

Being a mother is emotionally hard, but drinking made me feel happy. It filled a void inside of me that nothing could seem to fix.

But, the more I drank, the more emotionally unstable I became.

And the next day, I was left agitated making it harder to be a good mom.

My body was trying to recover from childbirth and I was prolonging that process by drinking.

I didn’t realize how much damage I was doing to myself especially when I was not in a good place mentally and emotionally.

Instead of addressing the root causes of my sadness, I was depending on alcohol for relief.

Physical effects from drinking as a new mom

Although my chances of keeping up with milk production were VERY slim, any chance I did have was pretty much ruined when I started drinking every day.

Your lifestyle choices in general play a significant role in your overall health.

So when you’re drinking, your body is too busy trying to metabolize alcohol to focus on anything else.

My overall health was terrible.

My immune system was in shambles after giving birth and I was constantly getting sick.

I was taking supplements and vitamins to try and boost my immune system all while still drinking half a bottle of wine.

My logic during this time was nonexistent.

I couldn’t stop drinking.

It gave me relief from this unexplainable sadness that I was experiencing, but it was most definitely making it worse at the same time.

Alcohol quickly became a coping mechanism

Life as a new mom was overwhelming, and the desire for a temporary escape was unreal.

My coping mechanism became alcohol.

It wasn’t even a gradual progression either, I started drinking like a seasoned alcoholic.

All I had to do was get through the day, then her father would come home from work and take over.

After that, it was me and the bottle of wine.

I remember some days I would start drinking early in the day to get a head start on my buzz, let it wear off and then drink again at night like nothing.

*SIGH* This was such a dark time for me. Figuratively and literally.

It was winter, it was dark outside all the time, and I didn’t want to go out much because I had a newborn baby.

So, all I did was sit at home and drink.

And I drank almost every day.

I was blessed with a baby that started sleeping through the night at a very early age.

So instead of getting a decent night’s sleep myself, I would drink and sleep like shit.

I would get by during the day, then drink in the evening and repeat for the next 4 years.

It was a vicious cycle and I became dependent on alcohol just to get through the day.

[Related Post: The Alcohol Addiction That Destroyed Me For 4 Years]

Drinking as a new mom because you feel lonely

With motherhood sometimes comes loneliness and many new moms experience this shift in their social life.

Sure I had mom friends, but I still felt alone in my motherhood journey.

Postpartum depression was to partially blame for that.

Again, your body is trying to get back to a normal state and you’re experiencing a multitude of emotions.

But as you keep drinking, you’re doing more harm than good affecting your emotional state.

Once my baby was a little bigger, I started to go out more.

I would jump on any opportunity to drink with people just so I could justify having a social life.

When you turn to alcohol as a means to socialize, it’s a quick fix, but it can contribute to further isolation.

Once the night is over and everyone goes home, you’re still left feeling empty even though you were just socializing.

You really have nothing in common with these people outside of alcohol and you feel like nobody understands how you feel as a mother.

So you think to yourself, why on earth would you go out and drink when you can just drink at home in peace?

This is kind of what happened to me.

I got tired of constantly feeling lonely despite social interaction so I would isolate myself and just drink at home all the time.

I was in the comfort of my home, nobody to bother me or judge me. It was perfect… and detrimental.

I wish someone would have pulled me out of the dark pit i was in

During the day I was a mother taking care of my newborn, at night I was an alcoholic drinking myself into oblivion.

Nothing brought me joy, nothing made me feel at peace, NOTHING!

I was suffering so badly with PPD but all I knew was how to drink to numb the pain.

I wish I had the willpower to change my drinking habits during that time, but I also wish somebody would have intervened and helped me.

Supportive relationships are crucial for managing postpartum depression but I felt like I didn’t have that.

People were so quick to tell me that the depression I was experiencing was a joke and told me to find a hobby.

So I did, but it wasn’t a healthy one.

My postpartum depression lasted well over a year.

I finally started to feel some relief from my depression in 2019.

I had an amazing year and then 2020 came and ruined EVERYTHING!

eventually I stopped drinking and have been sober since September 13, 2021.

Please seek help if you are experiencing PPD or alcohol addiction