Why Mommy Wine Culture is So Toxic and Problematic
I never really knew what mommy wine culture was until after I became a mom.
Mommy wine culture is this idea that you NEED alcohol to cope and get through every day parenting.
NO YOU DO NOT!
If you truly think you do, all jokes aside, you may need to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol.
If you’re thinking that you are someone who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol and can moderate your drinking then that’s great!
This is not for you.
However, there are a lot of moms who are currently suffering in silence and afraid to speak out against a society that idolizes alcohol.
My fear is a lot of moms are becoming dependent and addicted to alcohol and scared to get the help they need.
I think what mommy wine culture boils down to is glamorized, socially acceptable, alcoholism because let’s be real, that’s exactly what it is.
Keep reading for why mommy wine culture is so toxic and Problematic
Mommy wine culture sucked me in
I will be the first to tell you that I was intrigued and captivated by mommy wine culture.
I already loved drinking, and drinking while being a mom made you a cool mom.
Being a wine mom was the “It Girl” of moms and I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be JUST like them.
As a new mom suffering from postpartum depression I was so desperate to find relief and feel happy.
Alcohol was the escape that I needed, and rewarding yourself with a glass of wine after a long day of parenting sounded so magical!
Then I started meeting other moms on the internet who liked to drink just as much as I did!
They looked so classy and glamorous in their pictures drinking their fancy wines.
I was so mesmerized by these moms.
They drank and still took care of their parental responsibilities the next day in a graceful manner.
I did that too… just hungover and barely functioning after drinking an entire bottle of wine the night before.
Yeah… not so graceful at all.
But every other mom on the internet was doing it! What was their secret?!
Their secret is they only show you what they want you to see….
Mommy Wine Culture Has Become Normalized Behavior
I too wanted to be part of the wine mom community.
Believe me, I get it.
After a long day of being terrorized by a toddler or 2, you want something to take the edge off and make you feel calm and relaxed.
However, you could down an entire bottle of wine, tell people it’s because you had a bad day, and they won’t even bat an eye.
“I need this” one mom writes holding up her Pinot Grigio.
“I deserve this after today” another one says with her Vodka and orange juice.
Scrolling through Instagram after 5pm was all you needed to influence you to drink.
Seeing their drinks made me want to drink so badly. So to my kitchen I would go and pour myself a glass of wine.
Posting your glass of wine was like a badge of honor that nobody could take away from you. It made you relatable to other moms.
I would post a picture of my full to the brim glass of wine with whatever clever caption I could think of.
NOW I too was a cool, wine mom like the others.
And since we only show social media what we want people to see, nobody would see me drinking the whole bottle of wine, just a glass.
A lot of moms struggle with addiction but they do a great job making it look normal for Instagram.
That was me.
Nobody knew I was becoming an alcoholic.
I made it look real fun and glamorous for the gram, but I was dying on the inside.
Your coffee mug is Definitely not coffee
I too would laugh at the jokes parents made about needing a glass of wine after you put the kids to bed.
Or drinking a glass of wine to make the evening routine more tolerable.
Even the jokes about putting alcohol in your coffee mug because how would anyone know?
We know… just saying.
Sometimes you feel like you need to drink before doing activities with your kids so you’d be the “fun parent“.
Do you really NEED to drink before doing arts and crafts with your kid to make it more fun?
Or “enhancing” your water bottle to make it through your kid’s sporting events.
Do you really NEED to drink at your kid’s soccer game? You don’t. You just think you do.
I have not yet made it to this stage of parenting since my child does not play a sport, but I’ve heard parents joke about drinking at their kid’s games.
And I really don’t know what’s worse, drinking at a kid’s sporting event or trying to hide the fact that you’re drinking at a kid’s sporting event.
Hiding alcohol from others and drinking in secrecy can be a sign of alcoholism, just want to throw that out there.
I will call myself a hypocrite right now because even in the depths of my alcoholism, I thought it was pretty shitty to drink at a kid’s game.
It seemed like you make it about yourself by doing that when you should be watching your child play.
I would however drink at home with my kid around like that was any better.
But since alcohol consumption in any setting is so normalized, people really won’t bat an eye.
Your child deserves better
Yes parenting is hard and stressful at times, I know this!
But the problem is not the activity, it’s your perspective and quite frankly your personality.
And if we are being honest, your child deserves an attentive parent.
When I used to drink in the evenings at home, I was the fun mom.
Mommy would be in a good mood because dopamine was rushing through my system.
The next day however, I would have such a short fuse and turn into a complete monster.
It wasn’t fair to my daughter, and she didn’t deserve the sloppy, alcoholic mom that she was getting.
This will eat me alive until the day I die because I missed out on a lot of moments that I will never get back because I was too busy drinking.
It’s honestly pathetic feeling like you need to drink to make spending time with your kid more fun.
But that was how I felt sometimes, and how many other moms feel too.
I did it because it made me feel happy while I was home.
I did however draw the line at drinking in public with my child around, unless there was another adult that could take care of her.
At that point, I was so deep in denial wishing I could be like every other mom that drank knowing damn well that will NEVER be me because I couldn’t moderate my drinking.
Mommy wine culture Will make you feel like you are missing out for not drinking
The problem isn’t that moms drink. If you want to enjoy an occasional drink that’s on you.
The problem is that some of these wine moms will truly make you feel like you are missing out and being boring if you’re not drinking.
You’re not.
I guess it just makes them feel better about their own alcohol consumption.
And I don’t think they do it intentionally, but it is very much blissfully ignorant if you will.
People in general love to shame you into thinking you’re boring if you’re not drinking.
Boring is being so hungover the next day that you can’t do anything but rot in bed. What a life…
And the comments some of these moms make to justify their drinking amaze me.
“Drinking makes me a better parent.”
“If you’re not drinking to get through parenting then are you really a parent?“
Why yes Kristina, I am a parent, but drinking to make it through parenting has turned me into an alcoholic!
Then they will tell you that at least they know how to moderate and would never let themselves get super drunk.
Ok, good for you. That is unfortunately NOT me.
But by all means, please continue to shame me for not drinking.
My favorite is when I would tell people that I was considering taking a break from alcohol.
They always had a quick response for that.
“I could never give up my wine.”
“Couldn’t be me, I love my wine too much.”
Never being supported for not drinking always made me feel like a loser.
But that’s mommy wine culture for you!
It’s time to change mommy wine culture
I’m not an expert, I just speak from experience.
The last thing I want is to shame another parent for their drinking habits.
However, if you feel like you NEED alcohol to make parenting more enjoyable, maybe consider reevaluating your relationship with alcohol.
Pretty soon you really will start to believe that you NEED alcohol to get you through parenting when in reality all you need is a little patience.
And I get it, we only live once and that’s the excuse a lot of people will use to justify drinking.
But what good is drinking if it’s damaging your quality of life and making you feel like shit the next day?
Parenting is hard enough as it is, and I’m seriously baffled that I used to drink on top of that making it even harder honestly.
And I don’t know about you but as I got older, the hangovers started lasting longer than 24 hours.
Who TF has time for a 2 day hangover?! Not me!
If you’re a mom struggling with the every day emotions of parenting, those need to be addressed.
Alcohol is a bandaid, all it will do is temporarily cover up those emotions.
And I truly believe you deserve better than a temporary solution that does more harm than good.
And if you’re someone who is considering taking a break from alcohol, don’t let anyone else shame you for your choice!
People won’t always understand, but any step in the direction of trying to better yourself is worth it!
If you are struggling with alcohol, please reach out to someone you trust or seek professional help.
You are worthy and deserving of a happy and healthy life ♥️
